The loneliness of ministry

Why is ministry so lonely?

Here are a few of my thoughts on why pastors can be surrounded by people and yet feel lonely, alone, unseen, unheard, unvalued or misunderstood…

1. Because very few people understand what we go through as pastors (what we feel, experience, etc)
2. Because so many of us pastors work in small churches with few staff (if any) and people are either unavailable or if they are available they take much more than they give to us
3. Because as pastors we often fail to reach out to other people (whether pastors or laypeople) sometimes because of poor time management or because we fear rejection or being misunderstood
4. Because even when we do reach out to people, the other people may be cold, distant or unavailable or if they do respond the other people may offer very little encouragement, hope, friendship or edification when they do meet with us
5. Because so many of us pastors forget that ministry is not primarily about computer work and other behind the scenes things but rather about being with God and people. And the more that we are with God and people the less lonely we will feel.

Is there something that I should be doing differently? So often when I am lonely the thought that creeps into my head is that it is all these other people who need to step it up and actually be available and show an interest in my life. Should it be though, that we ourselves can and should do something about our loneliness?

Here are a few ideas that I think might help when you feel all alone:

1. Allow God to be your constant companion and the one who sticks closer than a brother
2. Don’t miss the people God puts on your path. Every single person He puts on your path is the right person (whether for them to encourage, help and edify the pastor or vice versa – or because the two people can mutually edify one another)
3. Reach out to others. Be willing to make the first move. Know that rejection will come but in spite of some rejection, God will bring fellowship.
4. Intentionally practice the ministry of presence. Being present (consistently) where people are will open more doors for more relationships. 
5. Join healthy ministerial groups (online works, though in person is better) and consistently show up and dialogue and open up and ask questions, being a friend while also looking for friends
6. Set a notification/alert on your phone for every week to remind you to reach out to a fellow pastor for conversation or coffee/meal

I wish there was an easy answer. Loneliness is a heavy load to bear. Feeling unseen, unloved and misunderstood is a miserable place to be. But thanks be to God that even through our own loneliness, when we look to God we receive His perfect answer to our cries. May we also take our own experiences of loneliness and let God develop a heart of love and compassion in us for other people and their journeys of pain and loneliness. 

Pastor, please know this: you are not alone. Many others understand the pain and struggle that you feel. I pray that God will connect you with those who will reciprocate your overtures of friendship.